Doug's Happy Adventures
by Darfur Maxx
Summary: Doug's soon to be gigantic wang threatens the very world! Only two of the most powerful Squad Captains from the Soul Society can stop it!


All right Megan, if it's a Doug fanfic you want, it's a Doug fanfic you GET. Don't come crying when you get diarrhea from the sheer raw power this shit emits!

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One day, Doug woke up. "I don't feel asleep!" he proudly declares to a bunch of dead kittens he decided to eat because he's such a loser that he needed to take it out on some poor defenseless animals. But these kittens were pretending to be dead, for they were actually Squad Captains sent from the Soul Society to kill Doug. In the future, the entire planet is too small for Doug's soon-to-be gigantic wang. The Soul Society at the time sent the Captains back in time to where Doug's dick would start growing, the day that he hits PUBERTY!

Doug went into the bathroom to pee when he realizes something shocking, his wang has grown from a half-inch to 6/10 incher! "MOMMY DADDY! MY WANG IS HUUUGE!" He ran around screaming out of the house.

"Shit, we arrived too late!" Squad Captain Catman panicked. He is a fat piece of shit in a cat suit that needed a shave badly.

"No we haven't!" his superior said. He was, in all meanings of the word, an Arnold Schwarzenegger clone, right down to his name. "His peeniz iz still vundrable to our spirit energies!" he assured Catman.

Meanwhile, Doug decided to show off his slightly less pathetic excuse of a penis to his friends, in other words, Skeeter.

"HEY SKEET I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU NOW!" Skeeter was laying back doing cool kid stuff, like smoking & saying fuck every other word.

"All-fucking-right mang, what the fucking HONK is it?" he honked annoyed.

Doug then pointed down at his wiener, he didn't bother putting on pants when he saw his growth, "MY LITTLE BUDDY ISN'T SO LITTLE ANYMORE!"

Skeeter gasped, amazed at the hugeness of his pen0r. "GOOD FUCKING HONK LAWD DOUG, YOU ARE NOW A FUCKING DUDE NOW!" Skeeter was proud of his white loser friend. "But can you beat MY blue sausage?" Skeet's boner then shredded his pants off, revealing a 10 foot meat pole. Doug glanced at his boner, then he ran away crying to his momma.

"OH GOD IT'S SO UNFAIR!"

"Is it a good time to kill him now, Arnold?" Catman asked.

"No, we strike when the time is right." he said in his idol's natural tone.

"WOW, I never fucking thought I'd see a catman & HONK fucking ARNOLD SCHWAREZNEGGER!" Skeeter exclaimed excited. His boner grew from a 10 foot to a 100-story skyscraper.

Startled, Catman stabbed him in the eye with his Zanpakutō. "Are you sure we're not going after this blue guy, Arnold?" Catman questioned, while Skeeter ran around yelling in pain and destroying entire buildings with his massive wang. Arnold wondered about this himself, but then he decided that the Soul Society would not joke around about something as apocalyptic as a VERY big dick.

While that happened, Doug ran into his sister's room and flopped onto her bed, while she was doing yoga, probably because it had something to do with art. "Doug, get out of my room and go cry your emo ass off somewhere else, loser!" Judith yelled at her loser of a brother. He didn't leave so she punched him in the still-naked crotch and kicked him in the chest, which sent him flying out of her window, on his dad's car.

"Why me God, why meee..." he whined his emo ass off. Doug's mom then went outside to talk to her whiny emo baby.

"Now Doug sweetie, why are you sad, and why are you on daddy's car?" she reasoned with him.

"I HAVE A SMALL PENIS!" he cried. Afterwards, Judith jumped out of her broken window and did a piledrive on Doug, because he kept on whining.

"Dude, at this rate, we probably won't even have to do anything!" Catman joked. The two Captains were hiding behind a bush or something.

"Ya, he's just a big baby!" the Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator further joked.

For the rest of the day, Doug weeped like the loser that he is.

Meanwhile the Captains were bored as shit, so they decided to hit up some nightclubs. They didn't believe that they were sent to kill some pansy with a soon-to-be-huge wang, they thought they were on vacation at this point! They had fun and got wasted for the rest of the night.

The next morning, Doug woke up. "I don't feel asl-" he then noticed that he isn't in his room anymore. He was also sleeping on some soft fleshy thing that stretched out for miles. It took him thirty minutes to realize that he is laying on his own penis. "MOMMY DADDY! MY WANG IS HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!", he shouted out, but he then realized that his massive dick has crushed his entire family and neighborhood. "Eh, they were all big jerks anyways." Doug said as if it wasn't a big deal.

"I gotta show this to Patti!" his wang hardened at her name and the force of the erection and the wang under Doug then catapulted him to school.

Meanwhile, the two Captains woke up hungover, and generally feeling terrible. "Aww man, what did we-" Catman then vomited all over Arnold.

"Ohhh, disgusting man!" he then vomited back. This made Catman wharf again, which was countered by Arnold's vomit. This vomit fest went on for an hour. Afterwards, when they ran out of stuff in their tummies to wharf out, they stumble up to check the news.

Arnold read a newspaper, horrified at what he saw. "You HAVE to see this, kittyman!" he bellowed out urgently.

"I already read the funnie-" he then saw what was on the front page news.

"BOY'S GENITALS GROWS IN MASSIVE PROPORTIONS, RESIDENTIAL AREA DESTROYED!" Under the text there was a picture of a giant wang. The shot was taken from a helicopter.

"Oh shit..." was all the Captains could have said at that moment.

 **TO BE CONTINUED**


End file.
